Thursday, March 20, 2008

Extraordinary adventures with the Fed

(Chew Your Grouse) The Fed has recently begun to trot out new approaches to inject liquidity into the economy, beyond the tried and true discount rate reductions. Recent stories which have been kept a little bit quiet include:
  • "The Fed and Applebees partner to bring Casual Dining Value."
    In an unprecedented foray into cobranding, The Federal Reserve Bank and Applebees announced an initiative to bring a 2-for-1 entree (with a complementary beverage) to all American households in time for the Easter Weekend. In anticipation of higher than average volume at Applebees restaurants around the country, FEMA units will be mobilized to provide variable labor capacity. Several Wall Street Analysts quickly revised upwards their projections for Applebees same-store sales for the quarter. Stopped on the streets of Harrisburg, PA for comment, pipe fitter Jim Snarksdale commented, "Mmmm, I love that Applejack Chicken sandwich." His girlfriend favored the shrimp caesar salad.

  • "Bernanke provides Much-Needed Liquidity to Inner-City Neighborhood"
    In an unprecedented foray into direct liquidity provision to an underserved market, Chairman Ben Bernanke visited with African-American youths in New York's Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood flanked by microlending guru Mohammed Yunus and armed with a hydrant wrench . After a brief peroration extolling the virtues of entrepreneurialism, Bernanke proclaimed that by an extraordinary dispensation spring was beginning four days early, and opened a hydrant. Much hijinks did ensue.

  • "Fed Attempts to Preemptively enlists Gates Foundation in as yet undetermined Rescue"
    Its own resources growing thin after a busy week, the Fed has according to unnamed sources submitted a proposal to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to secure a line of credit to be used to bail out financial institutions. The Foundation has apparently assented to the request, contingent upon a signed guarantee that any institutions rescued with Foundation money will install Vista on all desktops and ban the use of Firefox and block all searches using Google.

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